Today I laid it on the alter.
I've been holding onto this want, this need, this yearning for another child with two hands. I try to deceive myself and tell myself that it really doesn't bother me that yet again, it hasn't happened but in reality I know I KNOW that it really does. I know that I've been holding onto. I try to say here God it's yours but yet I still keep a finger, sometimes a hand and sometimes even TWO hands holding tight to it.
So today, I gave it to God. I know that it will be easy to slip, easy for me to grab hold again but I don't want to. I want to be free of this pain, this hurt, this want, this need, this yearning. I want to know, to have faith, that God is in control and he know's what he is doing.
I look back on my loss, just a mere 9 months ago and know that it was for the best. That I have learned from it, that I have will continue to learn from it and best of all I'm helping other moms who are now or recently experiencing their own loss.
I'm going to Praise God in This Storm as I hand it all over to him.
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