One week from tomorrow

I can hardly believe that in just one week, we will be celebrating Christmas.  The most magical time of year for  me.

In only one week my kids will be opening their gifts and we'll be rejoicing that it is Jesus' birthday.  This year we've even decided to bake a cake.  Chocolate with peanut butter icing is my guess for flavor.  Maybe we'll even color the icing again (did you know you can color peanut butter icing? It's true, you can.).  What color icing do you think Jesus would want?

Tomorrow we are starting the 7 gifts of the Nativity (which reminds me, where did I put that again?).  A friend of mine told me about it and it looks like so much fun.  Tomorrow also starts the Christmas giving season for us.  We are going to D's cousin's for our first gift exchange.  I'm so excited and I won't even be receiving a gift.  I'm excited about giving gifts and seeing the joy in the eyes of those receiving.  I'm also excited about seeing the joy in my children's eyes when they open gifts.

I am still far from being completely ready for Christmas.  I still need to wrap presents and bake but you know if those things don't get done today or tomorrow it's ok.

I heard this sound a couple week ago and fell in love unfortunately I didn't know the name of it but when I heard it again today I found it on Youtube.

I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

Future children or no future children....

Today I laid it on the alter.

I've been holding onto this want, this need, this yearning for another child with two hands.  I try to deceive myself and tell myself that it really doesn't bother me that yet again, it hasn't happened but in reality I know I KNOW that it really does.  I know that I've been holding onto.  I try to say here God it's yours but yet I still keep a finger, sometimes a hand and sometimes even TWO hands holding tight to it.

So today, I gave it to God.  I know that it will be easy to slip, easy for me to grab hold again but I don't want to.  I want to be free of this pain, this hurt, this want, this need, this yearning.  I want to know, to have faith, that God is in control and he know's what he is doing.

I look back on my loss, just a mere 9 months ago and know that it was for the best.  That I have learned from it, that I have will continue to learn from it and best of all I'm helping other moms who are now or recently experiencing their own loss.

I'm going to Praise God in This Storm as I hand it all over to him.

22 years ago

It was 22 years ago that you left us but boy does it seem like only yesterday.

Your smile, your half finger, your cooking for us, holidays at your house are only a few of the things I miss about you.  Oh how I wish the boys would have been able to meet you.  What joy they would have brought you and what joy you would have brought them.

I remember that night that dad got the call so vividly.  I remember knowing deep down that I wouldn't ever see you again.  It was not a good feeling for a little girl to have.  I remember waking up the next day, walking home and knowing that the horrible news would be coming from mom's lips.  I still can't wait the movie 'Harry and Henderson's' because it was the one that we were watching that night when we got the call.

I remember choosing not to attend your funeral.  I remember watching out my classroom window as they dug your grave.  I remember this boy in my class who wondered who's grave they were digging and saying it was my Gram's and him not believing me until the tears started to flow, oh how did they flow that day.  They are flowing now as I write this.  You were such a special person, a beautiful women.

Gram, I love you so much and miss you!!!  I treasure each time someone tells me I am like you.  What a person to be like.  Someone who loved her family tremendously.

Gram, me and Aunt Kath

When do you know your family is complete?

As you know by reading my profile, I am the mom of two boys.  They are 5 and 7 years old.  I love their age difference and love the bond they have from that age difference.  It's not always an easy thing but it's perfect nonetheless.

What some of you may not know, something that I just don't put out there for everyone to know is I should be the mom of 4.  I experienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy in Jan of 2002.  It was the most horrible experience I've ever had.  It really changed who I am and who I wanted to be.  It really helped me to draw close to God again.

I had another miscarriage in March of this year.  I had just found out I was pregnant when I also started spotting.  Two weeks later, it was over and I needed to pick up the pieces and move forward with my life.  It was not easy to do and it still affects me to a point.  We have been TTC again without really TTC.  Let's put it this way we aren't preventing but we're not temping or OPKing or any of that.

I really thought for sure that I was PG this month but alas I'm not.

Several months ago, dh and I talked about how emotional I would get each month when I discovered I wasn't pregnant that month.  How I would cry and get my hopes up.  He knows how much I want to be, how much I want another child in our life and he does too but he was letting it up to me to decide where to go from here.  So we decided (or I decided) we'd try for another couple of months and if nothing happened by the end of the year we were done for a while and I would go on BC.

Now we are down to our last month of trying and boy am I really hoping.  December has always been a good month for us when it comes to conceiving.  We found out with both boys on New Years Eve/Day so I am hoping.

However, I'm also doubting and wondering when do you know your family is complete?  When do you know it's time to give up and stop trying?  When is it time to throw in the towel and say forgetaboutit?

Also, how do you ensure that you are letting it all in God's hand?  How do you stop worrying and wondering?

I'm trying to let it in God's hands.  I'm trying to say, 'Here God it's yours' but I think I keep holding on.  I keep saying, 'Sorry God, I can't fully let go and let you'  How do I do that?  How do I rely on God to make the perfect decision?  How do I have complete faith that God knows what he is doing and he has my best interest in hand?

Dear God,

Today I give you my pain, my hurt, my disappointment.  I give you the worry of never having another child.  I give you the pain that I feel each month when I realize it's not my month.  Help me to focus on new and bright things.  Help me to focus on you.  Give me something new and wonderful to focus on that will take my mind off of what I want and can't/don't have.  Help me to forgetaboutit and not to be upset each month.  Lord, if you want us to have another child that is ours, please allow it to happen.  If you want us to adopt, please allow that to happen.  Open new doors, close old doors and help me to move on starting today.  God fill me with your promises.  The promises that only you can fulfill.  Thank you.

In your precious son's name.
Amen

Dear God

Dear God,

This sucks.  I hate this feeling.  I hate that we've been trying for so long and all I get is heartache and failure.  I hate that I feel so ungrateful for what you have given me.  I hate feeling so low.  I hate when I get my hopes up and they all come crashing down around me every month.  I hate it! I hate it!  I hate it!!! And you know what?  It sucks.

It seems so many around me are reveling in the joys of pregnancy. Every where I look there is a new announcement.  They're all over the place at work.  So many happy soon to be moms.  They're all around me in real life.  Soon to be moms with their bellies swelling, looking radiant and happy.

It sucks that I should be holding a baby right about now.  My own little one.  It sucks that my boys aren't big brothers.  It sucks that they don't know the joy that other kids get to feel of seeing their baby brother or sister smiling up at them.  It sucks that my baby was taken from me way too soon.

I know you have a plan for me God.  I know there are reasons why things happen, why you took my baby from me so soon after giving him/her to me.  I know there are plans for everything but I wanna know that plan.  I wanna know if it will ever be my time to announce that we're expecting again.

I'm tired of feeling like a failure each month.  I'm just tired God.  I need you to let me know it's ok.  I need to feel your reassuring touch around me.  I wanna know what your will is for me, God.  I wanna know, will I ever feel a baby growing in my belly.  Will I ever get to feel the sweet kicks, the hiccups, the pains of my belly growing, the joy of being a soon to be mom again.  Will I get to bring another child into this world to learn more about you and grow in you?

Should I just give up God?  Should I just throw in the towel and realize it's not meant to be?  What should I do God?  I need your guidance.

I really do want to be happy with those around me who are expecting.  There have been so many of them who have struggled to get pregnant, so many who have felt losses just like mine.  I want to rejoice with them.  I want to be truly happy for them and not just say Congrats with no meaning behind it.

I want to be able to look at a newborn baby and not feel my heart breaking in two because I feel my losses all over again.  I want to be able to see a growing belly and not be jealous because mine is fat from fat and not because there is a little one growing in it.

God, I just wanna do your will.  What you want me to do.  Please show me the way, God.  Show me where to go from here.  Direct me.  Love me. Carry me.  Help me to continue to help those who face a loss each and every day.  Help me to be a beacon of hope to those around me.  Help me to live for you and to show you through what I do and say and write.  Help others to see you in everything that I do.

Thank you God.

Amen

Babies, pregnancies and families

I work for a great social networking site for moms:  cafemom.com.  I love my job and I love getting to know all the great women from around the country and the world.

I've met some really amazing moms.  There is a mom that has 7 kids and is pregnant with her 8th and she's a year younger than me.  I'm in awe that she seems so happy and enjoys her kids so much.

I also watch those multiple shows on TLC and of course the Duggars and I love those large families.  Growing up I used to tell myself I wanted a large family.  I'd take however many children God gave me and I'd be happy with them.

Then I got pregnant in November of 2001.  I was ecstatic.  I couldn't wait to feel my baby growing and meet my little one.  And then the unthinkable happened.  I miscarried at 11 weeks.  I was devasted.  We were told to wait 3 months before TTC again and I needed to get on a form of birth control until then.  So I did.  After the stroke of midnight on January 1 2003 I found out again that I was expecting.  This time I didn't have the true joy that I did with my first one.  How can you after experiencing such a huge loss just a year before?

August came and we welcomed our firstborn son into the world.  The pregnancy and delivery were great and I really couldn't wait to do it all over again.  2 years later we conceived and again and in August of 2005 we welcomed our second son into the world.    I swore after the exhaustion of a toddler and pregnancy then a newborn that I would not do it again.

As Levi grew older we started giving away all of our baby stuff.  2 years later I started to get baby fever.  We were in the process of moving so we waited a little longer before TTC.  We tried and tried and tried until February of this year when I got that BFP again.  This time I knew from that moment I took the test that something wasn't right.  My suspicions were confirmed and I ended up miscarrying on March 4.  After 2 years of trying, our dream was crashed.

Here we are nearly 7 months later and we are still trying but with no success.  I'm getting down, feeling like a failure.  Feeling like maybe I will never get to feel that wonderful feel of the movement of a baby in by belly, to anticipate the due date and wondering what we'll have a boy or a girl.

I truly believe it's all in God's timing and it all will work out to His will.  I'm trusting in Him that if I'm meant to have another one that it will happen.  It's hard though.  I often wonder if I say, ya know what God, if I say I will fully trust in your and fully trust that you will only allow me to have as many as you want me to have, I will never go on BC again that maybe, just maybe I will have another child and maybe many more.  I'm not sure that my husband would go with me on that though.  I also know that God doesn't bargain.  I know that by my saying that it doesn't mean I'll conceive again.

So I sit here and try to give my trust to God and have faith that God really does know what he's doing.  After all, had I not miscarried in March, I would be due soon and with everything with dh's work I know it would be really rough for him to get time off right now even just for the delivery.  So I do see God working.  I do see God's hand and I really do trust him.

Praying for Our Nation

On Monday, our church started our 40 days of Prayer and Fasting.  Typically we read through a book during our fast but this year, we are doing something that is so much better, we are Praying for Our Nation.




Our church has been using the above song as our theme song during our Live Strong, Live Christ sermon series (Click here to listen).  And while singing it this past Sunday, the words 'Our children now, will pay the price' really stuck out to me.  It really will be our children who pay the price for those choices we make today.

So today, I am asking that you stand up beside me and thousands of others and pray for our nation.  We have an election coming up in just over a month.  It's an election that can change our country.

To find out more information on Praying for Our Nation and what it is we are praying for visit prayandact.com.  Also, take a moment to read over the Manhattan Declaration and sign it.

This isn't just for today it's for our tomorrow, too.

Help us to fill the void in the heart of our nation with the only person who can fill it, God.

God's amazing hand.

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, the phone rang, it was the alarm company, letting my husband know that the alarm was going off at the store.  Usually these alarms are pretty routine.  You give them the information they need, jump in the car, reset the alarm and come back home.

Last night was far from routine.  I don't usually get nervous when the calls come in, not that it happens often but they do on occasion, but last night I laid worrying, so I prayed.  Shortly after praying, D called to let me know that it was a real call and it looked like someone had tried to break in the store.  About a half hour later, he called and said the guy was in the store, breaking into the jewelry cases.  The last call to him was around 2, when he said he'd be there all night, the guy had died in the process of being arrested.

This morning, I called him as soon as I woke up to see how everything was going.  You could tell he was still running on adrenaline but he sounded like he was in good spirits.  He told me a bit more about the morning events and said he wouldn't be home until sometime this afternoon.

I am so proud of him.  He is currently the only salaried manager in the store and he's stepping up to the plate, despite having hesitations on his ability to do so.

I love when I see God's hand working in our lives and see how he protects us.

I love you so much, my wonderful, amazing husband.

Schedules

I am known around my house for having a cranky temper, something I am not very proud of.  Something that I crave to change.  Something that I don't want my children to one day gain from me.

I work from home typically from 8-4 each day, except now that school has started, I need to pick up my kids so I work until 4:30 to ensure that I get all my hours in.  Some days, I work longer because I have a lot on my plate.  When I finish working, I typically get supper started, do dishes and ensure the kids homework is done, if they have any.  They typically come home from school, have  a snack and start working on their homework, if they have any.  They are then allowed to play upstairs in their playroom.  After dinner, we have outside time, if the weather is appropriate, then showers, dessert, reading time and finally bedtime at 8.

Things run really smoothly as long as we follow this 'schedule' fairly closely.  Unfortunately, when you have a husband who works various hours and has days off during the week, following a schedule doesn't always work. Also, needing to go to the store in the middle of the week, doesn't help with the schedule either.

Yesterday, the schedule got messed up and oy, I had a slight issue.  I had supper sitting out ready to go for hubby since he was off.  He just needed to start the grill and get it on before I got done working.  The boys both had homework, that needed done.  They both worked on homework and daddy decided to take them for a bike ride, which would have been great, but no one cleaned up the mess from homework and supper needed started.  We also had plans to go to my in laws after dinner and since it was a school night we needed to get going as soon as supper was over.  This didn't leave a lot of 'spare' time.  So I get done working and there is glitter, paper and toys everywhere, the kids are playing upstairs and my kitchen is a mess.

I need to break here and say, I love my husband dearly, I love what he does for us and I love that he helps out so much.  I appreciate everything he does, even though some times it may not seem like it.

I kind of lost it and started yelling and boy did it look ugly from the sidelines.

After careful thinking after my slight meltdown, it hit me.  If things aren't organized and on a schedule, I have a hard time focusing on the fun.  I never thought of myself as an organized person or a scheduler, but even tonight after we had to make a trip to the grocery store, I realize if I veer from the 'norm' or the schedule, I feel like I don't have control.  I can't focus and I lose it.

They say the first step is admitting there is an issue.  Now I need to find a way to deal with all this without losing my temper.  First stop, prayer.

It's a date

Friday evening, my husband and I got to go on a date.  It's the first one since our anniversary weekend when we were able to enjoy an overnight trip away from the boys.  We didn't do much on Friday other than enjoy a nice dinner and a little window shopping preparing for Christmas.

Saturday afternoon my oldest son and I got to enjoy a date afternoon.  We went to the mall, had lunch and shopped.  He also got to go to Toys R Us to drool over the toys he just has to have.  Going with him was so much fun.  I also got some ideas for Christmas for him.  I would like to take our youngest son on a date but he's more interested in going with daddy than he is me :(

9 years ago tomorrow

It's hard to believe that nine years ago tomorrow, a plane hit WTC1 and then a few minutes later another one hit WTC2 and then a few moments later another plane crashed into the Pentagon and then just a little time later a fourth plane went down in a field in Western Pennsylvania.

One horrible, horrible day changed the way we all view life in general.

I, as well as so many other people, remember vividly what we were doing when we heard about that first plane being used a bomb to kill so many.

I was working at Kmart in Hershey, PA as the department manager of infants, kids and menswear.  I had moved a very tall ladder and knocked one of our infant signs off the ceiling, when one of my co-workers came up to me and told me that a plane flew into the WTC.  I thought, hmm, how could you not see that huge building.  It wasn't much later when I heard that another plane went into the other tower, then the pentagon and finally into a field in Shankesville PA.  I remember at some point talking to my husband about it and then going to 'lunch' at 10 and calling my mom shortly after Tower 2 fell.  I remember talking to my mom and watching Tower 1 falling and not realizing it was live TV I was watching because they had been rerunning Tower 2 falling so much.  After that I remember living in a stunned state of mind, wondering why someone would be so evil to do something like this.  I really feel this was my long road back to God.

I remember my parents saying how thankful they were that we no longer lived in NJ (minutes outside of NYC).  I also remember how beautiful that skyline was when we had left Jersey for the last time in March of that year.  I can't wait to visit again after the Freedom Tower is built.  I hear that it has been making some great progress and there are actually several floors up already.

Here is a beautiful pic of the skyline I found online:

photo from panynj.gov

Aren't those towers beautiful?

Here is a similar view from after

photo from jazzhostels.com

And another one with the beautiful lights pointing to Heaven where the towers once stood

photo from imgs.sfgate.com

In Memory to all who gave their lives that day and those who are still giving their lives even now, 9 years later.  Thank You!!!!

Old friends

Once upon a time, long, long ago, I was a member of a great site where I made lots of new friends.  Ones that while I didn't know them in real life, I felt connected too.  I shared many heartaches and happiness with them, both my own and theirs.  Things happened and I no longer talk to many of them.  I do have a friend who has kept in contact with a couple of them and she lets me know how they are doing.

Yesterday, I was looking through the blogs of these old friends.  Some of them have kept up with theirs and I was able to read the happiness and heartaches that they are all facing.  I wanted to comment on them to let them know I've been thinking of them or that I was praying for them but I wasn't sure how it would be taken.  Needless to say many of the ties I had were broken under bad circumstances.  While I don't hold grudges, I don't know that I'd care to be friends with some of them again.  I don't think the friendships were the healthiest for me and it has been a relief not to have them.  Though that's not to say I didn't shed a tear or two over losing these friends.

It's good to be able to 'lurk' and see how they are doing and to know how I can pray for them even if we aren't friends anymore.

Contracts are a must

One lesson I've learned this summer is Contracts are a MUST even if you are having a 'friend' do the work for you.  Get everything in writing and don't let work start or continue if everything is not in writing.

We wanted to finish our utility room this summer.  We had planned on doing the work ourselves on weekends off and during our week of vacation, giving us sufficient amount of time to get it done before winter set in.  A friend of ours, someone that dh worked with volunteered to help us, or so I thought he was helping us until he took over the project and made it his summer project.

He gave us a verbal initial estimate, not telling us what it included and us being naive didn't ask.  We just allowed him to do the work.  We had anticipated since he started the second week of March that the project would be done by June.  June came and went, still not done.  July came and went still not done.  Finally we gave him a date to be finished by and he was able to finish it.

At some point in late June, early July we had asked him for a estimate for the final cost of the project.  He said he couldn't give us one.  At that point we should have told him his services were no longer needed until we had that estimate but because we wanted this done and he was a 'friend' we left him finish.

Then a week after he finished, we received the final total due.  Needless to say that it was way more than we had even anticipated.  Now, I'm not stupid.  I KNOW construction materials are very expensive, however, we had offered to buy a lot of the stuff and he said, no he'd get everything.  Ahhh, hindsight is 20/20 isn't it?

Here are some before and afters of the utility room.

This is after the wall came down, it was between the dryer and the freezer.

The new level floor going in

The finished room

One of my favorite parts of it

From the other end 

All in all, I love my room!!!

Where has time gone?

It seems like only yesterday that I held my boys in my arms after them taking their first breath.  Now it's 7 and 5 years later and I'm no longer holding them but watching them spread their wings and take on new challenges in life.

Just a week ago my babies started first grade and kindergarten.  Both loving every minute of it.  I can only hope that they continue to enjoy school.

This evening they started their second year of Awana at church.  What a joy it is to help them learn memory verses, verses that they will remember for years to come.  I love when I come across a verse that I memorized when I was their age. It makes me smile :)  I pray they will treasure all those verses and their meaning forever.

It has taken me a full week to get used to the quiet of the house.  Something I never really enjoyed much of, even when L was in preschool and B was in kindergarten last year.  I tried to fit in as much as I could during that 1 1/2 hours of non driving time I had, that I didn't get to fully enjoy it.  Now that I have it, I really do miss my boys.  Most days it makes me appreciate that moment when they get out of school and I can wrap my arms around them.

With fall beginning, I am planning to enjoy some quiet fun time in the coolness with my family, making forever memories.

Mini Me

Tonight, I spent about an hour weeding a flower bed, during which time the boys were busy playing with their trucks and trying not to dig where they're not suppose to. 

After weeding the flower bed, I decided to plant the flowers and bulbs I still had to get into the ground and the boys wanted to help.  I asked them to get the marigolds from the other side of the yard.  B was so smart and got out their little wheelbarrow and used that to bring them around.  L was too busy tending to his eye that a bug went in to.  He even got out a bottle of water to put on it to help the pain.

Once they were all around, we planted them  It was so great watching them plant, especially B.  I dug the holes, they put the flower in and covered them.  L didn't do as good of a job as what B wanted, so B went back through and fixed them.  It was really cute.

However, what really got me tonight was clean up time.  I asked the boys to clean up the flower containers while I watered.  They did really good but B went one step further and finished cleaning up the weeds.  He reminded me so much of his dad cleaning up after me like that. He even put the garage door down after we were done in the garage without being asked.

I love watching the boys play mini mes, whether it's mini mom or mini dad.  It makes me realize just how much they absorb by watching us.

The joys of parenthood

Most days I love being a mom.

Wednesday I had to be the mom that most children don't like, especially my children: The Mean Mom.

You know the Mean Mom.  The one who makes their child's life miserable.  Yep that was me.

My kids have had it really nice when it comes to cleaning and picking up after themselves, but there comes a time when it's their turn to pick up and clean. 

Let's start with Tuesday.  They both had off school for their Easter/Spring break.  I gave each a specific chore to do in relation to their bedroom and their playroom.  They were given a time limit because let's face it, they do dawdle and take their time otherwise.  They each came to me and told me their chore was completed.  So like a good mom, I stopped working, got up and went to check.  Nope not done.  Told them what still needed to be done and left them to do it.  They both came to me, told me it was done.  Again I stopped working, went to check, still not done.  Gave them one last chance to finish it.  Yet again it still wasn't done. 

So frustrated me said, fine, either this all gets done by you or mom will do it and you won't have any toys to play with.  You would think that would get them moving.  Nope, they chose to play instead.

This leads to Wednesday, the day they both go back to school and my day off.  I chose to clean their playroom.  Took trash bags with me and filled 4 of them full of trash, Kids meal toys, broken toys and food wrappers.  I separated all their toys according to what they are: cars, soldiers, blocks, Mr. Potato Head, etc.  I went to pick up Levi at preschool and off to Kmart we went for totes.

After getting the totes and the few other items we needed, we head home and I got all the toys into the totes and to the attic and it was time to tackle the food stains on the floor.  For two little boys that are not allowed food in their playroom, I sure found enough banana peels and apples cores laying around as well as smooshed bananas and a rotten apple on the floor.  I got those cleaned up and their playroom is now done.

They were allowed 5 toys each to be left out to play with.  Everything else is now up in the attic waiting to be earned back.  I have a feeling quite a few will be sent to Goodwill or another thrift store. 

We are now on the 'Listen to Mom and Dad or lose privileges' system.  I will only speak once (twice if I honestly believe they didn't hear me the first time) and if they don't do as I ask, they lose the wii, tv, their power wheels, bikes, or outside time.  So far neither are allowed wii or power wheels until maybe tomorrow.

They do have the option of earning back their privileges the day if they listen and do as I ask.  I think it's only fair that they are rewarded for their good behavior but it has to be exceptional.

Now to get daddy to understand and get on board all the way with this :)

A forecast of the summer to come?

Right now the sun is shining and it's a beautiful 73 degrees out with a slight breeze.  If it weren't for the fact that I'm working I'd be outside planting, cleaning up flower beds, riding bike or just enjoying the sun.

I offered to sit in the utility room to work so that the boys could enjoy the sun and play outside.  I even gave them part of the garden that's not planted yet to dig in.  They were outside for maybe 20 minutes before the bees got them.  Ya know, when the bees fly around looking for flowers or searching to find their new home, not minding anyone around them, just flying.  I don't even think they were that close to the boys either.  From the looks of it, they were at least 5+ feet away but apparently that was too close.

So now they are in the house bored out of their minds, and trying to make me yell.  They're mad because they're not allowed TV or WII.  Afterall, why should you be stuck in the house playing video games and watching TV if it's so nice out?

This is only day 2 of the 6 days of spring vacation and already, they're driving me batty.  I sure hope this isn't the forecast for what it will be like come summertime.  I may need a padded room if it is.

Catching up

It appears that I have been slacking again :(

Things have been pretty crazy around here.  I've been busy with work.  We had some warm weather causing me to be outside more and away from the computer, but I'm not complaining.  The warm weather was good for me.  Now we are getting some more beautiful weather which I am doubly thankful for. 

The kids started their spring break today at 3:05 pm.  They're excited, me not so much.  They get break and I still have to work.  I do want to find some things for them to do while they are off.  I know I have some crafts they can work on and the weather should be good for the first half of it, so they can play outside.

Work has started on our utility room.  I'm really excited about that.  Seems like we've been waiting for that to happen forever, though we've only been in this house for 2 1/2 years.  The floor is almost all the way framed out.  Saturday he will be putting insulation into the floor, the heat vents and I'm assuming the water and rain pipes and then he can lay the wood down to give us a floor.  I'm really excited about it and cannot wait for the finished product :)

Life is good :)

What's happened since I last wrote

A lot of things have happened since I last wrote.  Some weeks I feel like I live a soap opera but at least I can turn that off.

My gram (mom's mom) died the end of January.  I was sad but because I was never really close to her and had only seen her a handful of times in the almost 11 years that I've been married, I wasn't devastated.  She was cremated so we had a small memorial at her house which was packed, but the Pastor that was chosen to lead it didn't know Gram and you could tell.  I grew up believing and still believe you need a personal relationship with God to get to Heaven.  Anyone can believe in him but if you don't really know him you are out of luck.  Well that Pastor told a different story.  Was not thrilled with his little speel.

I thought things would be over with that side of the family but I was wrong.  My mom discovered that not only did my Uncle, her brother, take Gram to redo her will but he had her write mom and her sister out of the will.  So Mom got nothing including the Dumbo cookie jar she hasn't wanted for a long, long, long time that used to be her grandmothers.  It's the only thing she wanted and she didn't get it.

As if that wasn't enough mom had a blow up with her step-dad and my Uncle called my dad and left a horrible, horrible message on his phone threatening my dad's life and also my brother in law's life (not sure why got drug into it but whatever).  Mom's step dad decided to send her all the photos we've ever given to them including the great-grandkids photos.  It's so sad that grown men have to act like children.

My husband's grandfather died on Tuesday evening.  It was such a sad day for us but such a blessing too.  It was 3 years ago when we got the call that he may not pull through after surgery and we took time off to be sure to visit him.  He managed to pull through and we got the last 3 years with him.  We did manage to see him on Tuesday.  Matter of fact most of the family was able to be there at some point on Tuesday including my in laws pastor who wasn't going to make until Wednesday.

Today at two is the family viewing, the public viewing is tonight from 6-8 and tomorrow is the funeral at 10 followed by full military honors at the burial. 

It will be such an emotional two days and I'm not really looking forward to them.

Life is good

Life has been fairly busy here.  After folding laundry Sunday, Monday and again Tuesday you would think it was all caught up right?  Nope.  I have two loads waiting for me to fold them.  I'll do that in a bit after the kiddos go to sleep. 

I finally have my office/craft room cleaned up.  It looks so much better now.  Well better than it did.  I still have to finish going through things.  I have a box of stuff that needs to be filed and I know there is stuff in the filing cabinet that needs shredded.  I also just brought another box upstairs that needs to be gone through but I can see a floor or I could be Levi dumped toys, blankets and pillows in there earlier today.  Which reminds me he'll need to clean them up then.

We are planning on heading to Red Lobster tomorrow after I get done working.  My company gave everyone gift cards that couldn't make the company Christmas party and I chose RL for mine.  I had really wanted to go with just D but the kids really want to go or at least Benjamin does.   We need to drop off the Dyson on the way there though.  The darn thing isn't working right and this is the first chance we've gotten to drop it off.  The place is almost 45 minutes from our house.  D got us a Bissell to use in the meantime.  Well that thing went back after it refused to suck up the needles from the Christmas Tree.  The Dyson, whose beater brush doesn't work, sucked up the needles a lot better.  We did pick up the Shark though and so far it seems to be working really well. 

I swear when I vacuumed my room today, I sucked up a whole dog.  How is that possible?  You'd think the dogs would be bald by now with as much hair as they lose. 

We are hoping to make it to the Farm Show next weekend.  It runs from tomorrow until next Sat.  We went for the first time last year and the kids had a ball.  It was so much fun.  They enjoyed seeing cows up close and personal and all the other animals.  I don't ever remember going when I was a kid, so I'm happy that we can take the boys.

Life has been good so far this week.  :-)

Friendships

I have to admit, I've not had a real life friend, someone that lives near me in a very long time.  I've yearned for one but because we moved so often and because of our jobs and hours, I just haven't had one.

Well now I have one and I don't know how to treat her nor do I remember to call her and ask her to do anything.

Today I went to Kmart for some Christmas bargains and mentioned it to my friend and she said, why didn't you call me.  Um cause I didn't even think to. 

Guess it's like being in elementary school again and learning how to be a friend all over.

It appears that it will be cold for some time to come.  I know that 15 day forecasts are not the most accurate, however at this point I'm not holding out hope that we'll get any warmer weather any time soon.
Today it's barely in the 20s with windchill factors in the single digits, even lower when there are gusts.

To make the cold even worst, our dryer is located in the uninsulated, unheated utility room while our washer is in the kitchen.  Talk about a shock to your system when doing laundry.  In the summer it's not quite as bad unless it's humid, which is about three quarters of the time, but I've learned to deal with it.  Afterall, I only had our AC on for a few short weeks this past summer.

I could just go on strike until it gets warmer but we'd run out of laundry really quickly and I could not imagine the amount of laundry there would be to do if I did go on strike for longer than a week.  Winter is always the worst too for laundry because you are wearing layers and longer clothing.  I swear no one but me can wear their sweatshirts and jeans longer than a couple of hours before putting new ones on.  I figure if they're not dirty and your not going anywhere why bother washing them after each wear.  Yes, I know some find it to be gross, but I don't have a ton of jeans to be able to wear new ones every day, but really I sit at home most days anyway.

Another Decade is over

It's so hard to believe that another decade is over. Seems like only yesterday I was starting the new decade/millennium as a newlywed in a new state with a new job in a new apartment with crazy landlords and here we are today, married for 10 1/2 years, in a home we've owned for just over 2 years with two boys and two dogs.

Here are some memorable moments from the last decade:

2000

Living in Garfield and then Dumont NJ working at a bank, Kmart and finally at a cemetery. Enjoy our first year of marriage.

2001

Started out the year living in Dumont, NJ, moved to Lebanon, PA in march. Worked at Dollar General and then Kmart. Discovered in November I was pregnant with our first baby.

2002

Still living in Lebanon, working at Kmart and on Jan 3 finding out I miscarried our first baby. Kmart declared bankruptcy and we weren't sure either of us would have jobs by the end of the year.

2003

Found out we were pregnant right after the stroke of midnight, bought our first home, had our son in August and started working part-time.

2004

Enjoyed our son's first birthday and discovered on New Year's Eve that we were expecting again (I couldn't wait to test until the New Year).

2005

Delivered our second son in August and celebrated our son's second birthday.

2006

Enjoyed a first and third birthday party.

2007

Enjoyed our sons' second and fourth birthdays, D lost his job, found a new job within two weeks and bought our second home and sold our first and became a SAHM

2008

We settled into our new home closer to family. Enjoyed our sons' third and fifth birthday, shuttled the boys back and forth to preschool. Started working part-time from home and selling Avon.

2009

Celebrated 10 years of marriage, enjoyed our sons' fourth and sixth birthday, sent our firstborn to kindgarten, started working full time from home while also selling Avon.

Apparently we don't live very exciting lives from these little blurbs but it seems that there is almost never a dull moment in our lives. We enjoy our family time, take day trips to visit local attractions and even had our first camping trip as a family this year.

I'm excited to see what the new decade will bring.